L-A: We got an assignment from Stylelist Canada about what we’d pack in our beach bags for the long weekend. I have no idea where to find a beach around these parts and I have no plans other than buying a lot of strawberries and thinking about making jam, drinking gin on the back deck, and maybe a day trip to The Bruce Peninsula (because I find it hilarious that there’s a peninsula named Bruce). Let’s call it staycation weekend. And this is what’s in my bag (minus a notebook and about five different pens. I edited so I appear a bit more like some glamourous lady) – either for exploring or hanging out on my deck and watching the bees.
So here’s what’s in the bag (which is probably why I always carry a large bag):
The bag: purchased at Marc by Marc Jacobs a few years ago and my husband really really hates it. It’s a bit too America! for Canada Day, but whatevs. Love it. Illustrated maps are my jam. One day I’ll take it on a road trip in America.
The shoes: two pairs. The April 25th of Shoes (Kate Spade Keds) for more walking and Tkees flip flops. The flops are cute and I love the colour, but I’m not entirely certain they’re worth $50 a pair (I didn’t pay that much, but you know, still).
The scarf and hanky: J.Crew lobster scarf is one of my new favourite things. I’ve used it as scarf and in my hair. The hanky – because pollen (I’m not going to pretend I don’t get summer sniffles for glamour’s sake) – is by Bespoke Uprising Textile Studios (she makes the nicest stuff).
Sunglasses: the Coachella Ray-Bans. Finding those at Coachella still makes me giddy.
Accessories: Breaking out the super nautical Kiel James Patrick rope bracelet for summer and adding a super colourful Kate Spade necklace to the mix. New phone case is Rifle Paper Co and adorable. Plus headphones because I never go strolling without them. Lomo Diana camera so I can maintain some kind of hipster adjacentness. I use it to take really fuzzy, double exposed photos. I like to say they’re artsy, others would disagree and say I’m wasting money on developing film.
Sunscreen: Yes, two kinds. The perils of being super pale. SPF 60 for the face, Kiehl’s SPF 50 (which I spray everywhere, like all over the patio table).
Reads: New Rainbow Rowell!! This one is for grown ups, not YA (although, whatever. YA should read what they like). This one is coming out soon (make friends with librarians, kids! They can hook you up!) and if it’s half as good as Fangirl or Attachments, I’m going to be hooked.
Eats: it’s summer y’all and you know what that means: gin, lemonade, mint and twizzlers. Just the good stuff.
LA: So, I get it. Nautical stripes are a thing we’re all addicted to. But I think I’ve reached maximum stripe you guys. It’s isn’t just the tops anymore. And I’m pushing my matchy-ness into early-Betty Draper coordinates. Get me a pillbox hat y’all, because I’m coordinated like you don’t even know and it is all stripes.
I made a New Year’s resolution to wear other patterns. And I swear I tried to buy others (there is a cute bird print t-shirt in my closet), but the universe makes it hard. Which is why this has happened.
(Coat: Ann Taylor; Shirt: random Marshall’s find; Necklace: super cute gift from a friend)
Not pictured is the striped headband. Although, in my defense, I did refrain from wearing the striped ballet flats. Because I wouldn’t want to overdo it. But then a few weeks later, I totally overdid it with these beauties.
(Shoes: Nautica, found at Marshall’s; Cat fur, Hastings the cat – this is why Drake brings a roller to games)
While it might be a little too much, I figure I may as well just lean on in to my obsession for as long as I can. Because one day, mark my word, there will be no striped shirts. I know I’ve probably predicted this at least twice before (I have never claimed any psychic powers. Although I really wish I could), but if stripes were a commodity on the stock market (futures? Is that what it’s called? No idea), I’d start to bet against them at some point. Especially since I’ve recently seen some horrendous nautical stripes coming out of Northern Reflections. I mean, sure, a boat neck nautical stripe is all classic and shit, but if you’ve seen photos from the 80s and 90s, then you know there are periods in fashion history where people give zero fucks about what is classic/classy. Until then, I am going Sheryl Sandberg on my love of stripes.
(bracelets: Kate Spade; Tiffany & Co)
(Did I mention my work notebook is striped as well? Like I said. I’m leaning in).
L-A: To be honest, I’m not sure which Jenner is which (I’m still iffy on 75% of the Kardashians as well) and this is just one of the many signs I’m Of A Certain Age. Because I have concerns about this dress. Because you guys, WHERE ARE HER UNDERWEAR?
Is she wearing any? If so, what kind of cut would they have to be? Are they somehow attached to a belt around her waist? And if she’s not wearing any, is she concerned of a major wardrobe malfunction? How much tape is involved? And does that tape hurt? Worth the pain I suppose, because that’s a lot of people to accidentally show your hoo-haw off to. Also, if she is commando, is she cold? Because I feel like it wasn’t that warm in Toronto yesterday evening (at least it wasn’t that warm about two hours outside of Toronto).
Like I said, I have concerns. Not so much moral concerns (hey, if commando is your thing, then you do you. I’m not joining the commenters on CTV’s Facebook page who are wringing their hands and wondering where we went wrong with our youth. They probably blame the Kardashians, and in a rare moment, they are correct – this is 100% the fault of a Kardashian. Or like 50% Kardashian-ex/50% Jenner). No, my concerns are all logistical.
On the other hand, she has done the seemingly impossible: made the dress on the right look like a conservative prom dress from rural Utah (sorry to any readers from rural Utah who are into sequins and sexy, short dresses). The dress on the right is a totally a figure-skater inspired micro mini (even the nude shoes make me think of tan figure skates) and makes Jenner on the right look like she’s about to head into the long program to compete. But next to the Jenner who is Most Likely to Go Commando at an awards ceremony, I’m not even noticing that one of them is wearing Tara Lipinski’s old skating outfits. So that’s a win for at least one of the Jenners.
Finally, can we put the Angelina Jolie Red Carpet Leg to rest? There must be a better way to show off your shoes and all the lunges you’ve done at the gym. Maybe try a shorter dress if showing off your leg is a priority.
(Having said all this, if I wasn’t so concerned for the logistics of it all, I probably would be on board with this dress existing. I currently need it to justify it’s existence).
Decent Pop Video of the Week
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