Fashionable People, Questionable Things. | This is, like, literally good for Middle America | Fashionable People, Questionable Things.

L-A: Can we talk about Miley Cyrus in the August issue of Elle (apologies, I get ranty):

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What is going on there? The props look straight out of an episode of Criminal Minds, like that is the table where the UnSub (aka. Serial Killer of the Week) chops up the bodies. Also, those boots are a pair of handcuffs away from being fetish gear.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not being a prude here. I know she’s sixteen. I know that adolescent girls’ sexuality exists. This is stuff I’ve studied in Women’s Studies. But do we need to tart up a 16 year old in fetish gear? Sheesh. Is this really the best way to convey that Miley isn’t a “little girl” anymore? Because I’m not seeing grown up in that photo. I’m seeing  shades of Pretty Baby and Taxi Driver:

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I’ll take “Teenagers Playing Prostitutes” for $200, Alex.

Moving away from Mileyon the table, I also feel the need to bring up her collaboration with Max Azria for Walmart:

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Can I ask a couple of favours from all designers and gigantic retailers: 1) let’s stop pretending these collaborations are not just the designer phoning it in, and 2) let’s not involve 16-year-old singers/actresses/celebutantes in the mix.  Am I really supposed to believe that Miley, or even Max himself, is designing? Really?  Because I’ve got a feeling they’re both just rubber stamping it and then pimping it out.

Oh, and let’s not pretend that by doing these collections, they’re doing a favour for us and providing the world with “recession chic” (aka. cheap crap).  Here’s a quote from Miley in Elle: “Because, like, literally, this is going to good for, like, Middle America, and it will be great for kids that really want to be in fashion but they don’t have it available.” I’m sure Middle America will thank you Miley when your crap drops into their local Wal-mart and they get to learn all about fashion from you.  I’m betting the kids in Middle America could dress better if they focused solely on shopping the Sally Ann or the Marshall’s/TJ Maxx. Because my guess is that you won’t be doing a collaboration like the one from the Grammy’s:

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Instead, you’ll do something like this for them:

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What fresh hell is that? That is America’s Next Top Model gear for Walmart. Tyra owns all things ANTM and as a former Supermodel, the woman should know better than to rubber stamp Juicy Couture-knock-off-esque clothing for “Middle America” (Oh yes, I am sure Middle America is thanking Tyra right now). I know Mileyintends to do “rocker” shit with studs and faux leather and denim. Whatev. It’ll still be crappy and Middle American kids need the Miley/Max Azria/Walmart collection like they need a hole in the head.

Okay, I’m getting far to ranty. I need to go to my happy place.

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Okay, yes. I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel much better. (and oui, I do have a folder on my macbook that is called “Chuck Bass”. This is possibly one of the best parts of being a blogger. I also have one called “snark”). I’m going to throw this one over to Ally now to lighten things up a bit. Because clearly I have Miley Cyrus issues.

xoxo,  L-A.

AllyG: Let’s start off with a positive. When Miley’s song, The Climb, comes on the radio while I am driving to work, I wail like a dog on meth along to the lyrics. I love that shit. It’s a good, good pop song. Mayercraft agrees. He tweeted recently:

Irony free: “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus is my jam right now. (There should never be guilt in pleasure.) 8:02 PM Jun 19th from TwitterBerry

AND

I like “The Climb” because it represents a nearly dead species of a pop song that I can actually have an emotional reaction to.6:05 PM Jun 21st from TwitterBerry.

Dude. It’s a good jam.

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L-A, you can’t even be fronting on me for posting that video. You started it!

That quaint ditty aside, I’m so effing tired of celebrity fashion lines. Seriously, what credibility does Miley have as a designer? This is what Miley wears jogging.

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Mind you, if I was “designing” clothes when I was her age they would probably look like this:

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Oh, Britney. It almost doesn’t seem fair to bring up the past. Did you know Brit may gain control of her life again? True story. I watchTMZ.

You know what I think? I think that once Ashley and Mary Kate received some credibility for their fashion line, others thought that they could bank in on it as well. Mind you, these celebs didn’t factor in the fact that Ashley and Mary Kate actually have talent (I say that without irony a la the Mayercraft).  Granted, the twins fashion sense had to mature so to speak, but mature it did and they now have two successful lines; Elizabeth & James and The Row (can’t find a website for The Row…weird…).

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Above are some selections from Elizabeth and James. Not bad. A little on the young side, but pop a pair of leggings on the shiny number second on the right and I would trot to martinis with the ladies wearing that. I also love the boyfriend blazer worn by Rhianna below.

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The Row is more Mary Kate’s baby while Elizabeth & James is led more by Ashley. Both are well respected. Style.com states, “Surely it is a sign of how far Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen’s label has come that we can refer to something as ‘very The Row’.”

The Row

I’ve always been more of a Mary Kate girl anyhow. Her style is carelessly beautiful. You know? Everything has a reason for being worn, but the reasons don’t necessarily fit with one another. Very eclectic. Here’s Mary Kate during her Nylon cover shoot.

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So. To sum up. The only celebrities that should be allowed to design clothes are Mary Kate and Ashley and Nicole Richie (House of Harlow is a WHOLE OTHER POST). This rule should not be broken. You know what happens when it is?

This.

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7 Responses to This is, like, literally good for Middle America

  1. JWG says:

    I think Jesus and Billy Rae have to take a share of blame for these Miley photos.
    Remember waaay back in ’08 how, after the fact, Ms. Cyrus (15) had a revelation that a topless shoot with Annie Liebovitz might not have been such a good idea given her audience and her image?
    (http://www.cbc.ca/arts/media/story/2008/04/28/cyrus-photos-vanityfair.html?ref=rss)
    “I will learn from my mistakes,” she said. “My family and my faith will guide me through my life’s journey.”

    • L-A says:

      Funny you should mention that photo shoot. Keeping with the theme of teenagers playing prostitutes, a young Jodie Foster did an almost identical photo shoot around the time she was in Taxi Driver:
      http://www.arnadal.no/film/actors/images/foster_jodie_young.jpg

      I can only assume Annie Liebovitz did the same look on purpose. The big difference between the two girls is that while Jodie has some legit acting chops, Miley seems to be only capable of playing herself.

  2. allygarbs says:

    Too true. Her family and faith have done well so far.

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  5. […] She was never going to win me over. I’ve had little time for her since she posed in fuck me boots and said her line of clothing was going to be, like, good for Middle America. […]

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Fashionable People, Questionable Things.