L-A: So, it’s less than a month until the arrival of BabyG and that means two things:
1. We’re probably going to need guest bloggers (any volunteers?)
2. We need to talk about what fashionable babies wear!
I’m bringing this up because Ally is determined not to turn this into a mommyblog. Which I appreciate. Nothing wrong with mommyblogs, but this ain’t one of them. Especially since only one of us is on track to become a mommy. No matter how much I like them, my cats aren’t my babies, so I’d make a terrible mommyblogger.
Anywhoozle, I’ve decided to have a “virtual” fashionable baby shower for Ally. No word yet on whether BabyG is a boy or girl, so we’re going to focus on what is cute and what is fashionable, regardless of sex/gender of the petit enfant. (Besides, I’m in Women’s Studies and read about things like gender being a social construct and have read/written about Judith Butler and girling. But I’ll spare you the details of my academic life. This is neither mommyblog nor academic blog). Besides, kiddo has no idea about whether you dress him/her up in the colour to match their gender. I once read (actually, The Husband once read and told me about) Hemingway being dressed as a girl until he was five. And look how well that turned out! He was the picture of masculinity!
But seriously. I don’t care how you dress your baby. Since I don’t have one of my own, I try very hard not to be judgey about how folks raise their kids. I do judge you if your baby wears one of these:
Sorry if your baby has one on right now, but I think they kind of look like you stuck a garter belt on your baby. Like, you weren’t sure what to do with the one your husband caught at your cousin’s wedding, so what the hell! Let’s put it on the baby! (actually, if that’s the case, I can dig it. If not, I judge).
Worse still is this:
Are you saying “what the hell”? Cause you should be. This is for when you just can’t take it anymore! The baby is a girl dammit! Look! She is wearing a weave and has her ears pierced! Girl! girlgirlgirl!
But I’m going to assume Ally will not be using a weave for her baby if it’s a girl. Mostly because she made fun of my Jessica Simpson hair extensions (which are kind of awesome if I could get them to fit on my head).
So, back to the virtual baby shower. If I had an unlimited budget, here are some things I would totally wrap up in tulle for Ally and BabyG (and El Jeffe too):
And I would not stop at the adorable Baby Dior apparel. Oh no. Pacifiers too! And an Armani pacifier as well, just in case Baby G throws the Dior out of the stroller:
And since Ally loves her some Burberry, BabyG needs a cashmere baby blanket with an outfit to match:
Keeping it classy, how about something practical, like a cashmere bunting from Ralph Lauren:
I believe it is a proven fact that baby puke is 100% cuter when it is on cashmere.
And BabyG will need some bath time stuff:
Bvlgari essentials (like scented water) and Kiehl’s ointment. Actually, if that Kiehl’s ointment feels anywhere near as nice as my Kiehl’s moisturizer, then I probably would pick that stuff up for BabyG (seriously. I love that shit. I got a good deal on my moisturizer and I’ll probably start paying through the nose to keep using it).
And this is Ally, so BabyG needs a few low classy items. Like Juicy Couture!
Actually, this is the only time you will ever hear me say these words: I like that terry cloth Juicy romper. I do. And it’s probably the only time I will suggest pairing a terry cloth romper with gold lamé booties.
And cloth or disposable, they’re never to young to get started with the Juicy butt. (ok, this I don’t actually approve of).
And to carry those diapers around, more Kate Spade:
As you can see, I had El Jeffe in mind when picking the bag out. Normally I’d choose something in hot pink for Ally, but El J will be carrying the bag as well, so I went for an understated black with a pop of green in the change pad.
And because Polyvore is just so damn fun, I made two sets of autumn worthy outfits (because BabyG is due in September):
Actually, I would wear that. Except maybe not the gold Uggs. But seriously. I probably would. Except I wouldn’t buy the monkey. I make my own stuffed monkeys and such (you are learning all kinds of things about me today!).
And for the wee dudes:
I know more than one grown man who probably already owns outfits like that. Note: I do not approve of denim jackets with denim pants. Even on babies.
But honestly, if I were to go out right now and buy something for BabyG, I would probably buy something from one of my fave Canadian baby clothing designers, Roisin:
Anyway, some baby outfits for the soon to be BabyG. Probably one of the only times you’ll see baby outfits on the blog. And judging by the amount of cashmere, clearly chosen by someone without kids. Now, I’m off to get some shut eye because I’m heading out to check out the Big H&M opening at Mic Mac Mall tomorrow. I’ll be there with Haligonia.ca, but sadly sans Ally (because she has something called a day job. one that does not involve writing a thesis from a home office. pffft!).
AllyG: Now that’s some funny, funny writing. There is tea all over my shirt (decaf, calm down) from my open mouth cackles. I particularly enjoyed the garter belt headbands. I have never understood them, although I do agree that using actual “garter belts” from your cousin’s wedding makes the look far more authentic. The weave though? The WEAVE? WHO PUTS A WEAVE ON A CHILD? I hope this doesn’t give Jessica Simpson any ideas.
On an aside, I work on the waterfront and can I just please say HOLY HANNAH that shit stinks today. It smells worse than a locker room after a hockey game (not that I’d know!). Wow.
So, yes, L-A is right. I refuse to make this blog about how adorable Baby G looks in his/her onesie. They will look adorable in their onesie, but that will be such an obvious fact that I will not share. If I did, L-A would for sure kick me off the blog. I’m already on shaky ground for posting the Backstreet Boys video.
What? It was N’SYNC. My friends and I honestly tried to manipulate some of the dance moves that are featured in the middle of the video. This was after a few bottles of wine, but it looked hot. Trust me.
I adore all of the items L-A has virtually given me. Particularly the gold lame ugg boots (they are lame, non?). I am also glad that she did not include the “CUTE BABY T-SHIRTS AND BIBS”. You know the ones with the totally offensive messages? Exhibit A:
Awesome. Let’s teach BabyG how to get their hate on before they know how to use a toilet. Awesome.
This one might be hard to read. Let me help you. It states that the baby is indeed, “Too Sexy for their Diaper”. Do you love your child? Seriously. Do you love them? Why, then? Why? Are they indeed “too sexy for their diaper”?
Like, I don’t claim to “know much” when it comes to kids (I overuse quotation marks when I’m angry, deal with it), but I know that you probably shouldn’t place your child in an outfit that refers to the old adage of “a way to a man’s heart is through his pee-pee”. THEY DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT A PEE-PEE IS YET.
Ok, this one is actually sort of funny. Although, from what I gathered, I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone in the room when the baby “Ipoos”. I just had a thought…we should wrap the Harbour in a massive diaper.
You get my point. Message tees are cute for babies to a limit. I’m sure I offended many people who are reading this blog who currently have their tot in a “Chick Magnet!” onesie. For this, I am sorry. Perhaps it will teach you to not say, “YOU’LL SEE!!!!!!” to every pregnant woman you encounter. We’re angry, angry bitches, and we will retaliate.
Well, with that, kisses to everyone! Happy Thursday! I’m super bummed that I cannot go to H&M with L-A. However, my office mates would likely frown upon me missing time to frolic with the fashionable masses.