Fashionable People, Questionable Things. | 1,2,3 I want that pole in my house | Fashionable People, Questionable Things.

AllyG: Y’all know I had to talk about this. Who doesn’t know about my love for Brit? I NEVER GAVE UP ON HER. EVER. This is why I am so excited about her video for her latest single, 3. First off, the song is the catchiest thing ever (I realize I am setting myself up for L-A to mock me endlessly and I don’t even care. I am immune. I’ve drank the Britney kool-aid long ago.) Listen for yourselves!

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Can we just call out the best parts? My fave is her pole dancing in the white halter outfit. KILLER. When she puts on the sunnies it’s all over. No one, I repeat, no one can do it like Britney. Now, granted, I’m not the biggest fan of what she wears in her “real life” (i.e. when she hits up crazytown), but her stylist for her videos was working overtime on this one. Imean, seriously, the shoes in the opening segment? LOVE.

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Gawd that top is fabulous. I actually believe it is a catsuit. Meow. I realize this is not office attire, but it’s better than the shit that House of Dereon puts out.

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Beyonce WANTS you to wear this to the office. Note the tagline, “Where the sidewalk and catwalk meet”. Should be, “Where bitch falls off the catwalk onto an oncoming garbage truck containing egg sandwich barf” (have you ever tossed egg sandwiches? You know what I’m sayin’ then).

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That gentleman to the right is really regretting answering his agent’s call to appear in the video. I mean, I’m all over Britney’s comeback, but there’s some things she can’t take back…y’know?

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That dude was in that area. Dancers beware. Dancers BEWARE.

Britney SpearsHere we have a better look at the leggings. Yes, it’s true she is not wearing pants with said leggings, but there is a reason we have a “So Cheese  its Good” category. This, my friends, falls perfectly into that category. Britney is camp, she was the original Lady Gaga. Remember this video?

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The hands over the heart as if to reflect the heart “beating” is my favourite dance move ever. It’s like when you were performing in elementary school talent shows and “acted out” the words to the song. My friend Steph and I did this to Madonna’s True Blue. When she sand, “True Blue, Baby I love you” Steph and I would rock our arms like we were holding a baby, point to ourselves, draw a heart and point to each other. It was comedy gold. I’m pretty sure we got beat up at lunch after that. Our outfits were cute. We wore side ponies. You know side ponies?

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I’ve gotten off track. I think L-A loves the days when Hugh bans me from the computer. Whenever I appear it’s to make this the most “low klassy (with a “k”) fashion blog ever. inadvertently of course!

The best part about this post is that I’ve forced L-A to actually sit through this Britney video in order to comment. I can totally picture her brain slowly exploding. Don’t worry, for her birthday I will post fancy, smart people music and talk about good literature (I’ll ask someone about it). I’m totally Garth to her Wayne. Wayne was always the brain behind the operations.

L-A: I don’t even know where to begin. All I know is that there is almost exactly 3min 25 seconds of commercials during Battle of the Blades (I put the tv on mute and watched the Britney video during a commercial break) and that “Where bitch falls off the catwalk onto an oncoming garbage truck containing egg sandwich barf” is one of the funniest things I read in a long time.  I’ve completely given up on Ally when it comes to Brits – that’s a lost battle. She was totally that kid who cried to YouTube to leave Britney alone (I’ll spare you the actual video. We’ve all seen it, but click away if you need to see it again).

Having said that, I am not feeling that song, video or the shoes. I mean, sure she is looking cleaned up and uncrazytown and that’s a styling feat on it’s own. But, in the name of research, I not only googled Britney –  I went to her website. Which has pink and sunshine and clouds on it. Honest to Jesus it does. The only thing that would make that site complete is a rainbow, a unicorn and a kitten or two. Maybe kittens riding on a unicorn over a rainbow?  (I’m not kidding. Just Cornify that sucker and you’ll see what I’m talking about).  I don’t know if that means she’s feeling better or has completely lost it. Whatevs. As long as she’s not shaving her head and flashing her hooha around Hollywood, she’s a step up from the trainwreck that is Lindsay.

Anyhow! I digress.  When I went to her website I was greeted by this:

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You know I had to click.  A peace of Britney? Designed by Britney? Yes please!  And these are your options:

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Standard, bedazzled or custom? HOW DO I CHOOSE???  (is it coincidence that the custom number has an A on it? Or is it crying out to be taken home by Ally? Christmas is just around the corner…)  I think a blood vessel in my head popped at the thought of a bedazzled Britney designed top.  I will give kudos to the pin-up-esque look on the cover of her single (or maybe the whole dang album. I don’t care enough to figure it out):

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Cute, even if it does look like they photoshopped the shit out of her. Seriously. She is all out of proportion like a Barbie or a Ralph Lauren ad.

I was thoroughly amused by the merch available from Britney’s site. If you want to accessorize your bedazzled tank, I recommend the following bangle and belt buckle:

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Or, if you need some extra assistance at the next Britney night at your local Karoke joint, might I recommend the lyric scarf?

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I am dying. And not in a good way.  But let’s end this off on a high note. I actually think BabyG needs his very own Britney onesie (because what would make Ally happier? Seriously? If such a thing exists, it probably involves brownies and ice cream).

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I did learn some Billboard trivia from Britney’s site (you really do learn something new everyday!): her single is (maybe) the first non-Idol (crapfest) to debut at number one since Lauryn Hill in 1998 (okay, I skimmed the trivia…but it’s something like that). I’m not sure if that’s an accomplishment or if it’s a mark against poor Lauryn Hill’s accomplishment. I’m going to leave y’all with a non-cringey Lauryn Hill video, so you don’t completely defect from our blog.

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0 Responses to 1,2,3 I want that pole in my house

  1. Ben says:

    Oh my….favourite Britney moments? TOO MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM.

    I personally enjoy fond memories of her moments in the Lucky music video that led to her acting debut (in my mind) of Crossroads.

    GENIUS.

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Fashionable People, Questionable Things.