Fashionable People, Questionable Things. | Lies. All Lies. (What it’s like to be inside my head on a shopping trip) | Fashionable People, Questionable Things.

L-A: You want to know what was not a good idea? Waiting until 9:30pm to start shoe porn (even though I told Ally that I’d do it. And I told her this yesterday), but not looking to see if you actually have shoes.  Apparently we do. From Amanda. But I can’t find them. I suck. And I’m stuck.  I thought I had content for you, instead, all I’ve got is my thoughts on Dinner for Schmucks (hillarious) and that doesn’t really work into the theme of this post. In fact, you barely saw anyone’s shoes in that  movie, so it is zero help.

But, I do have an almost amusing anecdote and some observations from my afternoon of shoe shopping. I was window shopping and caught sight of these beauts:

They were brown and they were amazing. And they zipped up over my fat calves. Except! I just found out that boots can give you a muffin top. I’m talking serious muffin top of the knee.  I don’t know if it’s because my knee is still slightly swollen from when I smacked it into the road last week or if my left leg is just plain old swollen. All I know is that when I did that boot up over my left leg, my heart broke a little bit.

Having said that, I kind of enjoy finding fault in footwear or clothing that I can’t afford. I tell myself that I’m not getting the boot because it gives me a kneecap muffin top and that it has nothing to do with the fact that I can’t afford a pair of $250 boots.  I tried on a pair of great heels, but told myself that even though I didn’t mind the slightly hookerish gold hee, I wasn’t going to spend  $70 on them because they poked into my arch funny. They did kind of poke into my arch funny. My not buying them wasn’t so much about comfort, but more to do with knowing that my husband would make frowny faces if I told him I bought shoes I can’t afford.

I do this a lot. The size isn’t right. The colour is all wrong. I’d buy it, but this detail just doesn’t suit me. Lies. All lies. I don’t buy it because I can’t afford it. I’m not sure whose benefit these lies are for. Do I want the sales lady to think I can afford it? I’m pretty sure she knows I can’t or doesn’t care. Although, I do it way more when I go into a store where I know they’d Pretty Woman you if you tried to enter looking anything less than Fabulous. I even try to hide the fact that I’m looking at the price tags, because I don’t want anyone thinking that if I have to ask, then I can’t afford it.

Or maybe I do it to fool myself. I want to have money growing on trees in my living room and exist in a world where I am ridiculously wealthy and say, “no, that Smythe jacket just isn’t me. I think I’ll pass” and mean it. I don’t want it to be code for “the money in my bank account is earmarked for food, rent, and maybe buying a coffee or an after work drink, but that’s it”.  So I come up with a million different reasons why I can’t buy something, but the reason “I can’t afford it” is never one of them. As Veronica Mars, that persnickety fictional teen detective, once said,

Oh, I am so sick of not having money. I’d be the best rich person. Seriously. I’d be the perfect combination of frivolous and sensible. Money is so wasted on the wealthy.

I really would be awesome at being rich. I am the best window shopper ever, so I can only imagine how great I’d be if I was shopping without a budget.

Ally: This is actually one of your funnier posts. I’m almost glad you didn’t find Amanda’s shoes. I’ve asked her to send me the link. ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL SHOES HAVE GONE MISSING. I’m in hectic-work-mode today, but will see you on Wednesday and Friday.

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0 Responses to Lies. All Lies. (What it’s like to be inside my head on a shopping trip)

  1. Jill says:

    I love that Veronica Mars quote! I also do this, and I am glad to find out that I’m not the only person who tries to look at price tags very discreetly in certain stores.

    • L-A says:

      I thought you might like that.

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who looks at price tags discreetly. I hate when the tags are hard to find on something, because I feel like it blows my cover and everyone knows I’m the broke window shopper.

  2. Intern Krista says:

    OT, but I have those boots and they’re magnificent. I wore them almost every single day last winter.

    • L-A says:

      They are beautiful boots and I might hurt someone if they buy the size 10 in brown before I get another chance to try them on. The kneecap muffin top really did break my heart and I’m hoping it is due to temporary swelling (my left ankle keeps getting puffy lately).

      • Intern Krista says:

        How terrible! Elevate your feet at night (above your head if you can stand it).

        • L-A says:

          it’s been brutal! There have been days when I can’t wear certain shoes because the puffiness gives me serious cankles. (the doctor seems to think it isn’t a health problem, so it’s mostly just annoying and ugly).

  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Joan Helson, Fashionable People. Fashionable People said: I'm lying to someone when I'm broke and window shopping. I just can't decide who: http://ow.ly/2mRMr (sorry, no shoes. I suck.) /la […]

  4. jo says:

    L-A…you are totally hilare. Knee-cap muffin top. I hope you and Ally are keeping an FPQT “Glossary of Terms”, because you guys have coined some doozies.

    three things:

    – I NEED to know where you saw those boots. I need to lower my centre of gravity this fall/winter, and just might be able to “justify” the purchase (I use that term veeery loosely)

    – I am also always checking for prices discreetly, and thought I was the only one who did so. I can almost never really afford anything, so I fully intend to adopt your “lies”…I can see how they will make me feel like a million bucks, even though I do not have a million bucks.

    – DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS: I had a dream last night that you and I were shopping in New York, looking at … green sequined roller skates! You opted for an adorable mid-calf style, while I went with an ankle version. In my dream, there was no evidence of muffin top of anykind, knee-cap or otherwise.

    • L-A says:

      We really should be keeping a glossary. That’ll be a fall project for us.

      Boots: John David. Run, don’t walk to get them. Apparently they sold out of the same style by Labour Day of last year. They are fantastic boots. I died a little bit when I saw them. BUT! Do Not Buy The Size Tens. I still hold out hope I will get my left leg into that sucker.

      Price Tags: I love that I’m not the only one who does this.

      My Lies: they keep me from getting too depressed about not having a money tree (which I would have to grow indoors – if kids will steal my cheap patio table and mop bucket, then you can be damned sure they’d steal my money tree). I’ll do things like, “this jacket is fantastic, but it’s all wrong around the hips, so I can’t get it” instead of “it costs $600 and my rent is $900, I clearly cannot afford this.”

      Your dream: that is awesome! I now want green sequined roller skates. I also think we should someday organize an FPQT Field Trip to New York (we’ll hold off until babies are borned and older).

  5. mk says:

    I check the price tags on the sly too. Heehee. :)

  6. Michelle says:

    When my friends and I try things on that don’t work, we always blame the product. “Well this dress sucks!” “These shoes hate me!” It’s never our fault…God no!

    • L-A says:

      Of course it’s the products fault! If it doesn’t work, it’s because it was poorly made or the wrong colour. Or it’s just out to get me.

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