Fashionable People, Questionable Things. | “Where Are They Now?” – WTF Edition | Fashionable People, Questionable Things.

Anthony: You know when you come home from work and you’re all, “I’m in a serious mood for snacking and movies”, and then you fall asleep for 2 hours because you woke up at 4 a.m.? Yeah, me too. So, I decided that if I’m going to watch a snacking movie, I needed to rely on an old classic – and thankfully, Netflix provided.

It's one of those movies that teaches you a lot about life, you know?

Oh yeah, I watched “Zoolander”. Not exactly a film you’d put into the “withstands the test of time” category, but I think it deserves a spot. I mean, you’ve got some serious pieces of dialogue like,

“…and I thought this guy is really hurting me. And that hurt!” – Hansel

There’s no point in recapping the movie because let’s face it, we’ve all seen it and donkey laughed through most of the jokes, and we know that there is only so much I can say about red sequinned snakeskin pants; trust me, they’re in there. However, this time around, I noticed a little something extra. A piece of new information that not only delighted me, but made me say,

“Whhhaaaaaaaaaaat?!? Since when did that happen!? I’m seeing colours for the first time!”

What floored me? Well, take a look at this:

You have no idea how much I laughed at "Balls Models" this time around. Maturity, y'all.

Have you figured it out yet? Oh yeah, that punchy blonde is none other than Eric Northman aka Alexander Skarsgard aka a walking wet dream.

And people have weird vampire fantasies because...?

SHUT ALL THE DOORS. I realize that he obviously had a career before “True Blood” but he looks like a baby! A baby with impeccable bone structure and perfect teeth, but, umm, something baby-ish nonetheless. After I stopped texting everyone who I thought might care, which surprisingly wasn’t many, I remembered a water-cooler discussion I had with some other fashionable ladies about young stars who are pretty much smokeshows now.

May I present Christa B. Allen as Mini Jenna Rink from another movie in my Snacking Collection, “13 Going On 30”.

Scrunchie? Check. Perm-like bangs? Double Check. Party in the basement with the boy next door who's secretly in love with you and will grow up into one of the sexiest photographers ever? All the checks.

So, what does she look like now? Where is she? And, most crucial of all, were those bangs a wardrobe requirement?

I don't think my voice goes high enough to give this an adequate, "Sayyyyywhhaaaaaaaaat?"

BAM. There it is, friends. First off, those shoes? Precious. What is it about a ballet style heel that I love? Also, I have to give her an, “Oh it DOES suit Madam” for rocking the white nails. It’s a little precocious but she is a teen star so it’s all good, right? I remember, back when I was still going through homo-puberty, one of my roommates had a little makeup case by Aloette that I may have delved into once or twice. Just to kick up my clubbing look, of course. Sure, I wasn’t a teen star – or a teenager by any stretch of the imagination – but I can totally see why all y’all ladies love the makeup.

“Zoolander” was released in 2001 which means that I was in the tenth grade, probably wearing cargo pants with a graphic t-shirt, thinking I was the shit, rocking the Toyota Echo and playing my N64. As you might have guessed, I kind of hit my stride at 17. Late bloomers, you gotta love us! Anyway, if I can go from that 16 year-old awkward pile of hormones who let his mom pick out his clothes, to the 26 year old man who dresses like a fashionable 16 year-old today, I suppose Alexander Skarsgard could have had a career ten years ago.

Mid blog update: Fuck – I just realized “Zoolander” is ten years old. What the hell have I been doing with my life? Oh, and if that didn’t make me sound like an aging cougar who’s still hung up on “Titanic”, while I was searching “Where Are They Now?” photos, I found that Jonathon Lipnicki is 21 and of legal drinking age. Wasn’t the basis of his fame the fact that he was talking zygote who asked weird questions in “Jerry Maguire”? Well, here’s a question for you, Lipnicki: how many protein shakes have you consumed over the years to go from tiny man-child to Gorilla Pants Jones?

LIPNICKI SMASH!

I’m going to put on something from my Drinking Alone In The Dark collection.

L-A: Let’s play an early morning game of Never Have I Ever. Fun! Break out whatever booze you keep in the desk drawer (what, I know you have mini-airplane sized bottles of something) and join me. Never Have I Ever watched Zoolander.

Shocking. I know.

Every time I tell someone this, they’re all, “but you’re a fashion blogger! How have you not seen Zoolander?!?”  Honestly, that’s because 10 years ago I was 23 and in the midst of a “if it doesn’t have subtitles or star Parker Posey, it’s crap” phase. We all go through an indie/foreign movie phase, don’t we? I mean, I wasn’t even reading fiction back then – only creative non-fiction (b-t-dubs, Adam Gopnik is still one of my main writers). While I was still wearing coloured tights (purple. Often with silver platforms), I was definitely not watching anything light and fluffy if I could help it. Which is why no Zoolander.

But you know, times change. I still rock the coloured tights (today they’re red. Monday they were burgandy), but I’m down with fluff (I paid to see What’s Your Number) and I read fiction meant for 15 year olds. And Zoolander is totally in my list to watch on Netflix.

And one question: who the hell went to photograph Jonathan Lipnicki’s birthday? I mean, really paparazzi. It must have been a quiet weekend in LA for you to have the foresight to photograph his birthday for all the Wear Are They Now specials to come.

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4 Responses to “Where Are They Now?” – WTF Edition

  1. Mel says:

    Doesn’t stand the test of time?! Au contraire mon amie. I still quote that shit on a near daily basis. So. Yeah. But um.. I also say things like “Kids these days…” so I’m not sure that exactly makes me the authority on pop culture stuff…
    Either way… Zoolander = amazing. As are you. The end.

    • antonwilde says:

      Actually, I use the term “u-goo-goo-ly” way too often. Like, we’re talking regular basis, but no one bats an eyelash. Also, Billy Zane references. I’m willing to stake cash on not whether L-A will like the movie, but how much she’ll like it.

  2. Intern Krista says:

    Am I the only one who’s been settling disputes with walkoffs since 2001???

  3. Kim says:

    fyi- Jenna Rink (Christa B. Allen) is also now rocking out as a bombshell socialite on Revenge (ABC Wednesdays). My brain definitely exploded when I saw that. With nary a Mark Ruffalo in sight no less :(

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