L-A: Ally emailed me earlier today and suggested we close the blog tomorrow as both of us had plans to go see Magic Mike. Which I fully agreed with.

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I mean, between a sold out movie with Channing Tatum as a stripper, my headache and being mildly PMSy, a night off was just what the figurative doctor ordered. But then after I saw the movie, I saw comments about how horrible it was on a friend’s facebook and I thought to myself, “you know what we need? We need a movie review.”  (Don’t y’all feel so lucky?)

In a nutshell

(in case you want to avoid spoilers. Or you don’t care enough to keep reading).

This movie is exactly what you think it is. Also, it is possibly the dude version of “hooker with a heart of gold”. And that is totally in my top five favourite themes in literature. Eat your heart out, Julia Roberts.

Preview Review

Movie marketing fail.

They clearly had no idea who would be attending this movie.  Because this room full of ladies (literally. I could count the dudes on one hand) are not your demographic for bromedies (my new portmanteau for bro comedies. I don’t think this fetch is going to happen. Which is good, because someone else has already thought of it) starring Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller. Also previewed was some sort of scary movie with lots of security camera style footage and girls in underwear using tools from Ghostbusters. And the gag inducing Jennifer Garner movie about the miracle of a child that grows in your garden. I don’t even know.  Show me trailers for dance movies and rom coms. This is what I am here for!

Plot

this dance number is exactly as awkward to watch as you think it is

Channing Tatum made a movie that is semi-autobiographic in the sense that Channing Tatum used to be a stripper (at least this is my completely uninformed opinion). Then he became a movie star. In this story, Channing Tatum wants to build custom furniture. Which he does very little of. He spends most of his time in elaborate dance montages and hanging out with The Kid who is 19 and learning to love the life of a stripper. Which apparently involves a lot of drinking and drugs (fair. I can’t imagine it’s easy to dance for the ladies in a thong. For so, so many reasons.). Kid also has a cute, but completely wooden sister. And he turns from a kid with zero ambition to a kid who is a total d-bag. Along the way, Channing Tatum has one of those crises you have when you are hitting 30 and you have a really sweet apartment on the beach, a new truck, and you get paid in ones and fives. So he quits stripping, gets the girl, some waffles and The Kid continues on to be a bigger d-bag.

Character Development

Minimal at best. Although I appreciate that only one character has a life changing revelation that causes him to quit his stripping gig. Higgity-i Figgity-ive, Channing Tatum for the whole circle of life with strippers and d-bags.

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Because you could have given us a Disney moment at the end where the Kid realizes the error of his ways and goes home to his sister and his brother from another mother. In fact, I thought that’s where you were going. But no! He just took over as lead dancer and it was as though you were never the bestest exotic male dancer in Tampa. I’m just sorry you had to wear that vest for the final scenes. Harsh.

Handsomeness

Please. This is what we were all there for.

We get it Channing Tatum. You are handsome. And charming. And you have a neck the size of a small child.

Well, handomeness and abs and gratuitous male nudity. And we got it. Lots of it.

The non-Channing Tatums in the movie weren’t my jam. Matthew McConaughey was super oily and greasy and I expected him to suddenly morph into his character from Dazed and Confused. Instead, he just got oiler and greasier (the character demanded that. He’s kind of a natural for the part).  Alex Pettyfer wasn’t bad. I couldn’t tell it was the same guy from the movie Beastly (I probably shouldn’t admit I watched that), which is something to say for his acting skills. And quite frankly, I do not understand Matt Bomer. He appeared on Glee one day and everyone was all, “Matt Bomer!” and I was all, “Who?!”

The Audience

Ladies! Get it together! I went there under the assumption that we’ve all seen shirtless men before. Naked men even! But you started to lose it at the first sight of Channing Tatum’s pecs. And then this happened.

source (in case you want some more Magic Mike ass gifs)

Y’all lost your shit when that happened. And we hadn’t even hit the one minute mark.

Now, I’m not judging super harshly. I’m not going to lie about my motives for going to this movie. I knew there was going to be fellas undressing. I guess I just don’t understand the hootin’ and a-hollerin’. I would be the worst friend to bring to a real strip show. I’d be all, “this is awkward. He’s getting mostly nekkid and you’re throwing your panties at him. Give him a fiver and let’s skeedaddle.”

Fashionz

Oh no. nononono. Channing Tatum, Imma need you to stop wearing hats. And stripper outfits. Tearaway pants will never be sexy. You can continue to wear jogging pants with no t-shirts. The ladies all looked like they were headed to the beach, even when they weren’t. Whatevs.

Did I waste two hours of my life? 

Nope. I’ve wasted more time on movies like The English Patient. For this, my expectations were fully met. Don’t go in expecting cinematic genius and you’re golden.

Final verdict? 

Fully worth the price of cheap night admission to hang out with some ladies and eating popcorn. However, I’ve yet to see Channing Tatum top his work in She’s the Man.

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Classic.

Ally: I’m kind of pissed that L-A decided to write a movie review because once again Ally looks like a total asshat phoning it in. What did I do after the movie? Poured myself a glass of wine and basked in the Channing Tatum afterglow.

I was nodding my head in solidarity with my blog sister throughout her review, at times thinking, “how did she make the font size go all big-like in wordpress! That girl knows her Internets!” until I hit this remark…

Channing Tatum, Imma need you to stop wearing hats.

Well, L-A, while you’re at it, why don’t you just take away all the rainbows in the world and feed chocolate to some puppies?

I like to refer to this scene as, "Ally? Treat Yo Self!"

Source

Taking away Channing Tatum’s baseball hats! Please. This cuts deep. Why don’t you come on over and tell my toddler that Lightening McQueen is really stuck in Radiator Springs because he’s a WASHED UP DRUNK.

I would go so far as to say that Channing Tatum could even keep his clothes on as long as he busts some moves to Pony by Ginuwine. I would attend that performance on the daily.

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I’m glad L-A recalled the plot, because I couldn’t really break that down for you. I went for a brief glimpse of the wonder I first saw in Step Up, and overall I was not disappointed. Channing Tatum is now on the Pretend Boyfriend list, even though I never want him to break up with Jenna Dewan; EVER. YouTube love montage? Alrighty then!

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L-A: Other than the hats, I am fully on board with Channing Tatum as a Pretend Boyfriend.

 

48 Responses to FPQT at the Movies: Magic Mike

  1. Vanessa says:

    Your reviews make my morning, I still really love She’s the Man.

    I actually fully enjoyed the movie (minus the pouty lipped sister) but I can understand why some people hated it, it’s advertised as a girls night out rom-com, but it does not have the classic Hollywood style ending.

    • la says:

      She’s the Man gives me serious embarrassment cringes. But I love it (I actually own it).

      It’s not super rom-commy, but he gets the girl and waffles.

  2. Thank you! That vest! I will have nightmares about that vest from the final scenes. Why?

    I was okay with Matthew McConaughey for a little while. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Wedding Planner? Sure. But I’ve been watching his transformation from hot to dirtbag greaseball for awhile now (thanks to a friend who still adores him and drags me to all his movies kicking and screaming). I’m not sure anything can top this. And in general, it would be hard for any guy to recover from that gym scene. I can’t believe THAT little ensemble did not get discussed.

    Excuse me while I spend the rest of my work day checking out Magic Mike animated gifs. My employer thanks you.

  3. Drew says:

    I attended this movie, but I found it incredibly hard to hear the dialogue over the sound of labias clapping in synchronized applause.

  4. Tena says:

    I’ve been trying to get my labia to clap for the last hour… no luck! Someone teach me this fantastic skill!

  5. Jill says:

    She’s The Man is one of those movies that comes on the W Network on a Saturday morning and you can’t help but watch. Love it.

    Awesome review. But I can’t believe you don’t understand Matt Bomer. Just look at his face! The cheekbones! He is a work of art!

    I want to suggest that “bromantic comedy” should become a thing.

  6. I don’t understand the vitriol being aimed at Magic Mike, it is what it is. My only complaint is the criminal underusage of Hot Ball of Hot Matt Bomer. COME ON.

    Outside of the stripping business, which was fun and harmless, the movie was really a story about Channing Tatum’s surprising entrepreneurship. I honestly think he’s an idea machine. He took his life story and got Steven Soderbergh to make a movie about it. Marinate in that.

    Also, he looked way hotter in the suit and glasses at the bank than in any of his tearaway pants.

    • allygarbs says:

      Hated the suit and glasses. Give me the baseball cap any day. This speaks volumes about my taste, I know.

    • la says:

      I literally do not understand the appeal of Matt Bomer. Not at all. He is clearly not my jam.

      But I agree with you on the Channing Tatum. I give the man golf claps for making this movie happen. And for his plans for the “very interactive” (his words) live musical version of Magic Mike. I may not go see it, but ladies are going to line up around the block for it. Idea machine for sure.

      • Jill says:

        I would totally go see the live version.

      • allygarbs says:

        What’s a “Matt Bomer”? : )

      • You know we could just go see real strippers, right?

        • la says:

          That’s the thing. I don’t know that I want to see real strippers. I feel like it’d be too awkward. Strippers are not actually my jam.

          • Janet Allen says:

            Agreed! I appreciate, nay revel in, Channing Tatum’s impeccable body and “aw shucks” charm as much as the next girl… but seriously? I don’t really find male stripping sexy. It’s kind of ridiculous even when they are impossibly hot.

            After seeing Magic Mike (and paying full price – a sound investment IMHO), it was a biological imperative for me to watch Step Up which I had never actually seen (). Verdict: Channing Tatum should always wear a tank top. Always.

            Despite the awkward dialogue, “stiff” acting, and non-existent plot, I confess I was entertained in large part due to Channing’s abs and sly smile. But I think I could have cheerfully gone my whole life without having seen Matthew McConaughey’s ass crack 20 feet high. Too far, Magic Mike. Too far.

          • la says:

            You know, I’m not sure I’ve seen Step Up. I think I need to do this. Or maybe just watch She’s the Man again.

        • Jill says:

          Would the real strippers look like Channing Tatum and Matt Bomer? If so, I’m in.

    • Jill says:

      SO agree on Matt Bomer. What a waste of a perfect face.

      I feel like the hate towards the movie comes from people who haven’t seen it and never will. I feel like the movie knew *exactly* what it was, and never took itself too seriously. And that’s the most important thing in my book.

      Channing Tatum is more than a pretty boy, I think. I like his comedic sensibilities, and you’re right – the fact that he got this movie made says something about him.

  7. Em says:

    So, I too went to see Magic Mike with a slew of girlfriends about a week ago and was disappointed at their attempt of a storyline in the movie when really, we’re all there to see “the dancing”, that’s it.

    The female lead, although cute, made me want to tackle the movie screen, she drove me nuts. It was painful watching her attempt to deliver her lines and always looking extremely pissed off. Sorry, it had to be said.

    The next WTF moment I had was when I realized one of the strippers, Tarzan, was a washed up wrestler from the early 90s. Seriously WTF was he doing in the movie? At first I thought he crashed the set and they didn’t realize it in the editing room, as he can’t dance at all. I was almost snorting with laughter (and I rarely snort) when I watched him try to keep up with Channing and Alex in the group dance scenes. Seriously, someone please enlighten me as to why he was casted as a stripper in this movie? The man is in his 50s and although I’d love to believe a stripper can have that longevity….I’ll just leave it at that.

    I do need to give some serious kudos to Channing though as the man can dance, with and without clothes on and really, that was the only reason I went to see it.

    Ally, you nailed it as I thought the same thing when I was plugging my ears from the screaming women, thank god this movie wasn’t in 3D or else they would have needed paramedics on standby in the hallway.

  8. Lauren says:

    And I’m sold!
    This review confirms everything I wanted it to. Next Tuesday Magic Mike and I have a date.
    Though I’m with l-a on the Matt Bomer front. I wouldn’t have even known who he was had she not mentioned he’s the random guy that showed up on glee and everyone was pumped.

  9. [...] Preview Review. Movie marketing fail. They clearly had no idea who would be attending this movie. Because this room full of ladies (literally. I could count the dudes on one hand) are not your demographic for bromedies (my new portmanteau for … Minimal at best. Although I appreciate that only one character has a life changing revelation that causes him to quit his stripping gig. Higgity-i Figgity-ive, Channing Tatum for the whole circle of life with strippers and d-bags. … See more here: Magic Mike Movie Review | Fashionable People, Questionable Things. [...]

  10. Sue O says:

    All y’all have to watch White Collar to understand the Bomer. Bomer is impossibly pretty and totally charming.

  11. CS says:

    I agree with Sue O – watch White Collar and you will totally get all the Bomer charm – hard to live without. Disappointed that he played such a minor role in the movie, equally disappointed that “Chatum” did not perform more sexy moves.

  12. I just read through this entire comment thread and how has nobody mentioned ALCIDE FROM TRUE BLOOD??? He takes a solid third place in the race for my fav characters in this film (after Channing, and the miniature pig). His first scene where he was wearing reading glasses while carefully stitching the crotch gusset on a g-string? Golden.

    This movie, in combo with seeing Dazed & Confused for the first time, has made me switch from Team Anti-McConaughey to Team McConaughey Is OK As Long As He’s Playing A Sleazeball But Not A Romantic Lead. I kind of loved him in this.

    Also not understanding the whole Bomer thing. Oh, also? I liked the sister character. But mainly because of her hair, and how she was the only person in the movie who understands how Real Life Works.