Ally: I am such a hypocrite.

Why?

1. I write about mundane celebrity gossip all the time on The Twitter.

2. I’ve written here about my distaste for the actions of One Miley Cyrus.

Yet here I am, on Wednesday, August 15, defending Hannah Montana.

Guys? It’s great.

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I’m sure the people in Iran are terribly pleased with the fact that Miley’s haircut is trending on Twitter in the wake of their massive earthquake. Talk about Hashtag FirstWorldBullshit.

Not since Felicity chopped off her innocent Annie curly locks has the female population been in such an uproar.

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“So when I walked into the haircutting place, I was taking a leap…”

She’s what? 19? Drastically changing your appearance at this age isn’t “crazy” or “pulling a Britney”, it’s a rite of passage. Let me leave her questionable engagement (to that guy whose name I do not recall because even cougar Ally cannot find him attractive) aside for a moment and state for the record that Miley is doing what we all did at that age; Figuring out the shit.

Remembering how liberating that moment was? And she gets to have the entire world talk about it. For a Not-yet-20 year old, that’s fantastical.

The hair itself? I actually love it. It’s cute, it’s punk, it must be amazing to play around with.Look at how happy she looks!

So glad the iPhone or social media did not exist when I was 19.

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So, you know, you go, Miley. I may happily judge your questionable thigh-high boots worn in hellish July heat, but I don’t question this. Forget about the Twitter haters and keep this advice in mind…

Beyoncé isn’t Beyoncé because she reads comments on the Internet. Beyoncé is in Ibiza, wearing a stomach necklace, walking hand in hand with her hot boyfriend. She’s going on the yacht and having a mimosa. She’s not reading shitty comments about herself on the Internet, and we shouldn’t either. I just think, Would Beyoncé be reading this? No, she would just delete it or somebody would delete it for her. What I really need to do is close the computer and then talk back to that voice and say, Fuck you. I don’t give a shit what you think. I’m Beyoncé. I’m going to Ibiza with Jay-Z now, fuck off. Being criticized is part of the job, but seeking it out isn’t. That’s our piece to let go.

- Kathleen Hanna

 

I would also recommend blaring this very loudly as you drive around LA in your fancy pants car:

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Wow. I am now officially old enough to motherly judge Britney’s outfit. PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!

L-A: I hate to pull this, but:

What she said.

For reals though. I’m not just phoning it in. Ally said everything I would say, right down to quoting Kathleen Hanna (who is all kinds of my hero). And other than digging the Fire Island video set to Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus is a thing I generally don’t support. I can’t even like her ironically. I can’t even say, “but it’s a good jam!” (my defense when I’m caught listening to “Boyfriend”). But I’m super down with the crazy new haircut.

I don’t love the shaved sides, partly because they remind me of some questionable choices I remember from the early to mid 90s, but whatevs.  In the cold light of day, I’ve revisited this statement and changed my mind. It’s my Miley-bias speaking. I realized that when a girl with shaved sides of her head got on my bus and I didn’t hate it. I was also thinking of the haircut dudes did where they’d shave some hair and then wear a ponytail. Like in the classic Canadian TV show Catwalk (also on a guy a sort of dated in high school, but you’re more likely to remember Catwalk). The cut isn’t the question. It’s folks getting bitchy because the pretty girl next door cut her hair.

And you know what? Fuck that noise.

Why?

1. Ladies should be doing whatever they want with their hair, men and other ladies be damned. Hair is personal. It’s yours. I might hate your haircut, but it’s your style statement, so you let your freak flag fly if that’s what you need to do.

2. She’s 20 or something. If that’s not the time to cut your hair off, I don’t know what its. And how do I know this? Let’s revisit my past, shall we?

I’m wearing hemp, y’all! That is not okay!

That is just one of the many times I cut off all of my hair. And this time was because I was really into Gwynnie’s hair in Sliding Doors.

Clearly wasn’t working the same style. And not exactly the best reason to cut your hair, but I was 22 and that’s what you do. And if Miley’s boyfriend doesn’t like it, this is what the kid should say:

Now, let’s watch those boys on Fire Island lip sync to Miley and pretend that Ally and I didn’t come to her defense on anything ever.

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9 Responses to In Defense of Miley Cyrus

  1. Totally agree ladies! People made WAY too big of a deal about this haircut…first of all, it’s her hair, and she’s young so she can pull off drastic changes (and you’re right that’s what you are supposed to do at that age anyway). Besides there are much bigger problems in the world

    • la says:

      I feel like the interwebs exists to make a big deal over Miley Cyrus’ hair. I think it does something nothing else has done before: it makes her kind of interesting.

  2. kristaspurr says:

    You’ve referenced a bunch of things I really like, but special props for the Sliding Doors shout-out and Happy Endings.

    I like Miley Cyrus’ hair. She’s 19 and it’s cute and it’ll grow, for crying out loud. Everyone whining about it has to find something more productive to do with their lives. It just doesn’t matter.

    • la says:

      She can also afford a wig if she changes her mind. If you don’t have to show up in an office every day looking profesh, then you can do this cut at any age.

      Besides, I think it’ll grow out looking like Reality Bites Winona and that could be a good thing.

  3. Jill says:

    I love her haircut. Like everyone else has said, that’s the age where you take risks with your hair.

    Also, that girl has been part of the Disney machine for a very long time. And after Hannah Montana ended, she was likely still surrounded by people who wanted her to continue to look like her brand. I can’t imagine it’s easy, at 20 years old when EVERYONE is making weird choices to try and figure out who they are, to try and find out who you are outside of the brand that had been created for you when you were 12. So that might mean doing questionable things like wearing thigh high boots and getting awesome blond pixie punk cuts. So, you know, good for her for taking advantage of the freedom of being able to cut her hair.

    • la says:

      My other, belated, thought is – why the hell not cut your hair when you want? I agree that 20 is when we’re more likely to experiment (it’s why I’m not adding pink permanently to my hair), but seriously? Do it whenever the hell you damn well please.

      If you’re not in an industry where having a sensible hair cut matters, go for it. She’s got tons of cash money, so if she needs a different look to act or sing, she can buy herself a really fancy wig (which I can’t do). It’s not like she hasn’t performed in wigs before.

  4. Sarah M says:

    I agree. Cut your hair if you want to. And I actually like it. I feel like we’re in a place right now where our idea of beauty is SO generic (long wavy hair, long legs, nice tan), that it’s nice to see someone being a bit different. I was watching a video of Cyndi Lauper in the 80′s the other day, and what struck me was her individuality (and not the kind of manufactured “individuality” that Lady Gaga offers) but really just being her off-beat self. I feel like if Cyndi Lauper came along now, she wouldn’t get anywhere.

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