L-A: Oh Lady Edith! I feel for you! You’re the Malcolm in the Middle of the Crawleys, but with even less attention. You’re the Charlie Browniest. Even we’ve ignored you after writing posts about both your sisters. And we don’t ignore many people.
You see, despite having a somewhat caustic personality, Mary makes up for it with mad steez and smarts – knowing when to say the right things to the right people and carrying a conversation at any party. And Sybil is such a sparkling gem of a ball buster that everyone naturally loves her. But you Edith? You’ve got neither the steez or the sparkle of your sisters, yet you try to compete with them instead of doing things on your own plain jane terms. Which is why you are the least loved sister on the best loved show on TV today. But we think you’ve got some style. And should anyone out there rank you as their style icon, I’ve compiled some tips on how to be more like you.
How to be the most unpopular sister on the most popular show
1. How to be ignored by all the men
“If I ever wanted to attract a man, I’d steer clear of those clothes and that hat”
Oh sure, Lady Mary is a straight up bitch to you much of the time. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to her when she disses your hat and dress. You’re dressed like a second grader at her first communion. Get it together, Edith. You don’t have the title “Lady” for nothing. At the very least, get Sybil to go shopping with you (because it’s unlikely Mary is going to do you any favours). Just a little effort into your outfit will get you some notice and then you can work it from there.
But you have to know there’s a reason Matthew noticed Mary first, and we all know it wasn’t because she’s the nicest sister.
2. Piss your sisters off
So, here’s the thing Edith. If you’re sister has got enough balls to carry a dead man out of her bed in the middle of the night, then she’s definitely got the balls to take you down a notch. Here’s some free advice: never get involved in land war in Asia and never pick a fight with a sister who is smarter and meaner than you are. You just can’t compete.
3. Lose all the men
You know that you had a good thing with Sir Anthony, right?
So what happened? You messed it up. You pissed Mary off and we’ve already established that’s a bad idea. And you lost on Patrick Crawley and Matthew. So here’s the thing: don’t like dudes who Mary likes/plans on marrying. No matter how much you think you like them, it will not end well. Instead, you’ll be the maiden aunt. And my guess is you don’t want that, do you?
4. Make really bad choices
No matter how good you look, it is never okay to mack on another lady’s husband. Even if she is common people and not an actual lady.
I am all over that outfit. So much so, I had to go look to find a reasonable facsimile.
Edith, you’re not the prettiest Crawley sister, but you need to get that self-esteem in order. Based on that last outfit, we know you can sometimes manage to dress yourself well. So you’ve got to know you can do better than this. Even Sir Anthony is better than this.
5. Have horrible self-esteem, no matter what you do in life.
Okay, so first kiss with a not terribly attractive, married older man? Not really a self-esteem booster. I get that. Falling in love with dudes only to see them fall butt crazy in love with your sister? Also stings. But you’ve got to take a moment Edith and realize you’ve got it going on sometimes. I mean, for reals. You drove a mothereffing tractor!
Driving a tractor takes swag. Dudes coming back from the war should respect that shit. And you should too. Sybil totally got ballsy when she started to work and look how well that worked out? She married the sexy rabble-rousing driver. And what did you do? You macked on a married man and fell for a con man. Those are sure signs you’ve got serious self-esteem issues. We’ve all seen it before in that girl in our undergrad. The one who cries when she’s drunk and only dates all the wrong dudes. Don’t be that girl Edith. Respect your upper-class lady who doesn’t mind doing a bit of work ways. Know that you’ve got some style of your own. It’s not classy like Mary and it’s not flashy like Sybil. You’ve got a down to earth look that we can call pre-preppy.
Sheer polka dots? Well played, Edith. Preppy professional ladies of today would be all over that. And you know what? We call that fashion forward (by about a 100 years). I mean, check out what J.Crew is selling.
Not quite as fashion forward as Sybil’s romper, but you’re still onto something.
6. Fall for everything
I bet you’d hit reply to a Nigerian bank scam, Edith, if you thought it might do the family some good. Then you’d wipe out their savings and be all, “oops, my bad.” Because everyone – and I mean everyone – wasn’t falling for the bandaged dude claiming to be your cousin WHO SANK WITH THE TITANIC.
Gullible much, girlfriend? I believe I’ve said it once, but it bears repeating: Get it together, Lady Edith. Season three is coming and I’d like to see you get it together and work it out with Sir Anthony. He seems like a solid, steady, if only mildly broken sort of fellow.
Some thanks to this blog for the season two recaps…it’s been awhile, so I needed the refresher.
Crappy Pop Video of the Week
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