Ally: Guys, I can’t talk long. We’re in day two of hardcore potty training and quite frankly what I wish to do on my Sunday evening is sit with my husband and a glass of wine watching the second half of Hunger Games (it’s a long movie! We had to turn it off at 9:45pm last night because we’re old). After the last 48 hours, I feel like I spent half my life staring at a toilet.

I will spend some time talking about Nicki Minaj. Official Intern Anthony is going to defriend me on Facebook after this post. I’m thinking I should give him a chance respond to the haterade I’m about to pour all over The Minaj. The thing is, I actually was a fan of Nicki’s until recently, I was actually jealous that Anthony was going to her concert (I think Yelawolf is heading to Vancouver at some point in the fall. I’ve already alerted Intern A that I’ll be crashing on his couch).

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Back to Nicky, if she didn’t have a Twitter account, I’d probably still be teaching my son the choreography to Superbass (I know the song came out ages ago, but let’s be fair, the dance moves are pretty tough and he’s not yet three).

Here are a couple of reasons for my irrational dislike of Nicki (keep in mind this might change the next time she drops an album. I’m easily persuaded when it comes to catchy music).

 

 Unreasonable Self-Love on the Twitter.

Wtf is a Barbz, you wonder?Let’s ask Wiki Minaj (No, I’m not kidding).

While Team Minaj refers to entire fan base as a whole, there are several terms coined by Minaj that refer members of Team Minaj based off sex and sexual orientation. All of these terms are typically pluralized with the letter ‘Z’ per Minaj’s Twitter lexicon.

Harajuku Barbiez, also shortened to Harajuku Barbz, Barbiez, HBz, and most commonly Barbz[1] are Minaj’s female fans. The name derives from Minaj’s girly-girly alter-ego, The Harajuku Barbie, and the fashion she promotes. The plural Barbz is sometimes used to refer to all members of Team Minaj as a whole, regardless of gender.[2] The singular Harajuku Barbie or HB is also used by Minaj to describe the head of all the barbiez—herself—without specifically implying that it is the alter ego speaking

My eyes are so far up into the heavens right now I swear it. Can we stop with the “Team X Celebrity”? Rihanna has her “Navy”, Gaga has her “Monsters” and Chris Brown has “Team Breezy”, it’s just downright awful. You shouldn’t have to create an army of fans and label them under some nonsensical brand. If it’s going to happen, then it should happen organically, like Eminem’s “Stans” (yes, I’m biased).

I actually unfollowed Nicki after she went on an intense campaign of retweeting every single compliment someone sent her way for an hour straight. You have to be fairly confident to believe that all of your followers wish to have their Twitter jammed with “OMG! I WOULD DIE IF NICKI RETWEETED ME #BARBZ4LIFE”. Nicki, and I say this with great respect, I may enjoy your music, but I’m also interested in hearing what Billy Bush has to say. You’re pushing him down my Twitter feed with your fan porn.

I think this one was my favourite:

Hee.

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Please stop trying to be Gaga.


I’m off and on with Gaga. Some days I despise all things, others I hate myself for ever doubting. I’m on the fence these days. One thing I will say is that girl does the cray with such authenticity that anyone else who tries to attempt the same ends up giving me embarrassment cringes.

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Nicki, you need new friends. Gaga did this, and so much better.

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There’s also this:

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Which was influenced likely by this:

Source – check the link to confirm that I am not the only one who thinks this. This link is what came up when I Googled “yellow hair hat Gaga” (The Internet is good!).

I really hope I’ve inspired L-a enough to add to this post, because Katniss is calling my name.

 

L-A: So here’s the thing: I’m fully over Gaga as a concept. I went through the following stages:

1. What’s a Gaga?

2. I sort of get it!

3. Gaga’s totally an independent and unique snowflake of an artists. Just look at her!

4. Srsly? An egg? And this is symbolism?

5. That’s not Madonna?

6. Okay, enough already.

And I just can’t get myself whipped up enough to care about Nicki Minaj. Honestly. I just can’t.

It’s not wacky, it’s not baffling, it’s not terribly unique. It just is and I don’t care. And at some point, dying your hair a wacky colour of the week and avoiding pants stops being trendsetting, no matter how many minions you have or what name you give them. This is not questioning anyone’s love for the music. It’s not my jam, but whatevs. It’s your brand I can’t stand. Next time I want catchy tunes worn by people in wacky outfits, I’m turning to Abba.

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Now that is wacky and groundbreaking. Those kooky Swedes!

 

One Response to Here’s the thing, Nicki Minaj: It’s not me, it’s you.

  1. Ben says:

    My favourite thing here is LA’s Progression of Gaga Interpretation. So good!