Ally: This is a really great day for a Favourite Friday. I could present the following snippet of the Dina Lohan interview with Dr. Phil and we could clink our mimosas and call it a day. Oh, by the by, L-a is unavailable to blog. Something about a bag and being in it.

Favourite: Dina Lohan

This is precious.

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It raises a few questions.

1. How hard up for cash money do you have to be in order to accept an interview with Dr. Phil?

2. Did she drink the entire box of wine?

3. Can we really hate on her for snarking on Dr. Phil’s “little tie” and “little shoes”? I vote no.

4. Is she flirting with him?

I also noticed that Dina and Lindsay do the same flirty “giggle then squeeze your boobs to your knees” move. Is this a parenting thing? Should I be teaching this to Toddler G?

Safe to say that you know where I’ll be on August 17th during the Dr. Phil show.

 Favourite: P!nk’s new album

For a very long time I’ve loved P!nk. I find it shocking that out of all the pop stars I grew up with (Christina, Britney, Jessica) she is the only one who hasn’t been arrested, in rehab, or divorced. Instead, she seems relatively stable and happy with her adorable husband Cory Hart (I couldn’t pick him for my Fantasy Pretend Boyfriend league because P!nk is my Fantasy Best Friend and I would never do that to her), who she had a baby with last year.

Anytheway, she has a new album coming out on September 18th. You can guess what I did.

To celebrate P!nk’s new album, let’s throwback and remember the time she successfully told all the other starlets in Hollywood to eat shit.

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Favourite: Who’s a Fashion Blogger? Not Me!

This is a good place to note the different strengths L-A and I bring to the blog. Pop Culture is totally my jam. Fashion? Well, I was super into Kristen Stewart this week, so please note that in the future you should disregard every piece of fashion advice I provide (although you have probably already been doing that). Sort of like L-a is not to be trusted when guiding you on Britney Spears’ daily regime.

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If I was 22 and had just emerged from a cheating scandal, I too would be wearing this fantastical outfit while marching through Pearson airport. The rolled up pants! The showing off of the black bra under a sheer white tank! It’s delightful and totally inappropriate! Her arrival outfit was just as saucy.

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I’ve decided I’m not too aged to have those glasses. Bringeth them to me.

Not so Favourite: Blake Lively is now Stealing my Pretend Famous Photo Shoot Fantasy

I was not even going to write about Blake Lively’s oatmeal wedding to Ryan Reynolds this week. That’s how much I care. I’m still angry at her for ruining Leo forever, because even though he’s on my Pretend Boyfriend list, it’s not the same. How can you pretend date someone who lost their minds over Blake Lively?

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You can’t. This is why I ran into the Pretend arms of Yelawolf. L-A has Blake to thank for his.

So not only did Blake ruin Leo, but she has now ruined my Pretend Photoshoot Scenario if I was a Celebrity.

Whatever, I don’t care if you’re calling over your best-cubicle-mate to point at your computer and mock me. If you haven’t spent at least 20 hours in your adult lifetime creative directing your Vogue photo shoot after Anna Wintour calls you and says she must have you in the magazine to celebrate your six Grammys then, frankly, there is something wrong with you. You’re boring, perhaps.

I’ve spent 40 hours imagining this scenario, and I determined it would be shot in rural Alabama by Mario Testino in a barn on the property of a rustic farmhouse. It would be morning, and my hair would be all bed-heady as I rise with my cup of coffee to do farm work (are there farms in Alabama? I don’t concern myself with these details, that would be Tonne Goodman’s job). I would of course be wearing Chanel underpant/short shorts and perhaps some Hunter rainboots, because how else do you get through the mud to feed the chickens or whatever?

So, basically, Blake Lively is a bitch.

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Fair, I did not come up with the whole “hold the sheep (goat?) in your lap” pose, but I would have if given enough time to flesh out the idea.

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I’m playing it like it didn’t really bother me, but it really did. I had a lot of feelings about it.

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Sigh, as the kids say on Twitter “smh”.

A Comprehensive Glossary Of Gifs / gifs glossary

Crappy Country Video of the Week

I think L-a had hoped that with my new hip hop music obsession I might have left Country music for good. She would be wrong. Friends, you really need to know that this is the best mirror/hairbrush/sing-out-loud music. Trust me, I have tried it out a lot to the following song when I pretend that Chris Young has invited me on stage to perform this with him at the Grammy’s where I have just won five of my six awards. Of course there is a wind machine.

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I accept my sixth Grammy immediately after this performance. The crowd roars.

With that I bid you a good Friday.

One love,

Ally

6 Responses to Favourite Friday: September 14 Edition

  1. Ben says:

    I won’t lie, I’ve spent more time than I care to admit judging the merits and potential for public shaming of purchasing vanity glasses. I don’t need them to see, but I feel I *do* need them to bring my face to whole new heights. Feelings?

    • allygarbs says:

      1. Are the glasses essential for your Pretend Photo Shoot Scenario if you were a Celebrity?
      2. I will buy them with you. Then let’s find a bar to drink in and listen to hipster music.

      • la says:

        What you need is to go to every eye doctor in town until you find one who believes you need a prescription, no matter how small.

    • Jill says:

      I too used to judge the merits of getting vanity glasses, but then I was blessed with the diagnosis of perfect vision + astigmatism! They don’t change my vision at all, if a stranger put them on he’d think they were plastic.

      You see what I’m getting at here, right?

  2. Stacey says:

    Um, Ally, you haven’t been teaching Toddler G how to “giggle then squeeze your boobs to your knees”? Because that would seem like kind of an essential parenting requirement to me. Also, I must now tune in to Dr. Phil on Monday, if only to see the ‘little tie and little shoes’ reference in its full context.

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