Fashionable People, Questionable Things. | Our Annual “WTF, Coachella?” for 2013 | Fashionable People, Questionable Things.

Ally: Last year, L-A made it to Coachella in REAL LIFE. This means she got to see the greatest rap show that included a hologram of Tupac. I spent days in bed wrapped in a blanket of jealously and plotting how I could get even with her (still working on it…Seth Cohen has not yet responded to my invite for dinner). We both love what the festival represents for different reasons. L-A loves it for the diverse and vast selection of music, I love it for the clothes porn. For me, Coachella is the “International Pretend you are Kate Moss Festival”. We love Coachella so much that we’re throwing you a rare Thursday post!

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Let’s get to the worst right away.

The Worst!

Classic elegance.

Classic elegance.

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Right, ladies?

I don’t know why Vanessa Hudgens makes me so angry. Maybe it’s true that the things you dislike most in other people are the things you are most upset about with yourself. Point taken. I guess I hate that I would completely take every opportunity to dress like a boho jackass if I ever got the chance to go to Coachella (this is why L-A never invites me). I’m talking daisy in the hair weaved in between precious braids. Vanessa Hudgens represents my internal shame. At least she is consistent. This is the shit she pulled for Coachella 2012:

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Miranda Kerr and the Demise of my Dream to Wear Leather Shorts

I recently shared on my Facebook wall a photo of a beautiful pair of BCBGMaxAzria leather shorts being offered up at Mills Halifax.

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My husband claimed I would never, ever find a place to wear a pair of leather shorts. I think the problem is that when I see leather shorts, my ego imagines me wearing them with the body of Miranda Kerr. Sadly, this is not based on reality.

I know what you're thinking, but no! It's not me!

I know what you’re thinking, but no! It’s not me!

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So leather shorts are out then. At least I could pull off the boots.

 What I would wear if I were a famous pop star

No, I’m not listening. Stop it. What? SHE IS AT COACHELLA. This is Katy Perry!

It's fabulous.

It’s fabulous.

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You’re doing it wrong, Paris Hilton

Raise your hand if you feel like Paris Hilton doesn’t even try anymore. Why you wanna blend in, Paris?

I feel like she called up little Harlow Richie and asked her how to dress like a hippie.

I feel like she called up little Harlow Richie and asked her how to dress like a hippie.

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I don’t even know you anymore, Paris.

A former reality star who did get it right was Audrina Partridge.

Bonus points for the greasy boyfriend! I'm not being sarcastic!

Bonus points for the greasy boyfriend! I’m not being sarcastic!

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Cute, simple, 1,000 points for the adorable floppy hat.

 Give it up for the lace shorts

This is a trend that I really, really love. And a trend I could never, ever wear.

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Some of our more observant readers are all, “Ally doesn’t know what she’s talking about! Vanessa Hudgens is wearing lace shorts above!” No, friends. No. Vanessa is wearing underpants that girl babies wear over their diapers and under dresses.

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This is the girl that used to date Ryan Seacrest. Julianne something or other. All this to say that I enjoy her shorts.

The Best!

And now time for Ally’s Best of  Coachella 2013 (also known as everything L-A hates).

Alessandra

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You know how I always talk about how I want to live on a farm in Alabama if there are farms in Alabama? Well this is what I would wear while milking the cows in order to make my own lattes. Or other things hard-working people do on farms. Sure she’s a supermodel, and it’s likely not age appropriate, but this outfit goes down as one of the ones I’d wear at the “International Pretend you are Kate Moss Festival”. Especially that Isabel Marant skirt.

Diane

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The above outfit only works if you are Diane Kruger, and only if you have Pacey as an accessory (is he wearing Kate Spade Keds?). It’s so fantastic that I actually took a full two minutes away from my bowl of ice cream to stare in appreciation with my spoon dangling in mid-air.

wedges

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I’m sure the girl above is very lovely and spends a great deal of time contributing to her community and other things, but I’m not a big fan of her outfit. I am a fan of her shoes though. I never thought I’d give Tory Burch shoes a shout-out on the blog (do people still wear her flats with the bling anymore?), but I’m doing it now. The Tory Burch wedges are nothing short of amazing.

tory

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So cute. I think they’d be perfect for Unpaid Intern Krista as well.

So those are my thoughts on Coachella 2013, you?

L-A: So, before we talk style, I’m going to admit how much I effing loved Coachella.

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Totally there.

It was pretty damn awesome and I honestly considered buying tickets again for 2013, even though they went on sale mere weeks after I had just finished being there. Because, you see, unlike Lindsay Lohan, I’m able to say no to a three day music festival and be a responsible adult (as it is a lot of cash money to drop on a whim). No matter how much I want to be there.

But let’s talk style. Which is like shooting fish in the proverbial barrel, especially when it comes to celebrities. Either the 110 degree heat (that’s over 40 degrees celsius) bakes their brains or their impervious to heat. Because sometimes I don’t even understand some of what I see. Like this.

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Trudeau called and he would like his canoe jacket back.

I’m sorry normally adorable boyfriend/co-star of Ashley Benson, there is no call for a suede fringe jacket in the desert heat. None whatsoever. Neither is there any call for the faux-hippie look. Get it together. Just because it’s three days of music in a field doesn’t mean “make like you’re at Woodstock”. Seriously. Return the costume to the store and dress like a human. As for Ashley Benson, she’s kind of a hot mess right there, but I’m going to leave it be as I’m just happy she’s not dating James Franco. I swear that can’t be a healthy relationship for anyone. He’s just too James Francoish.

The alternative to the “Wheeeeee I’m pretending I’m at Woodstock, when is Wu Tang on?” look is the boho earth tones that harken back to the Great Depression.

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Call Dorothea Lange, she’s ready for her close up.

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Honestly though, as Coachella style goes, it’s not that bad. I’m just being a bitch.

Someone who surprised me big time was Lindsay Lohan. She kind of, almost got it right.

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I’m sure someone paid to keep her white dress out of the dust.

And just when I thought the most tragic thing about her was the Nicole Kidman face before the age of 30, I saw her shoes.


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Mother of god! What are those?! And why are you wearing them to an outdoor festival?

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At best, they are a sitting shoe for a party. I wore TOMS and by the time Radiohead hit the stage on Saturday night I was ready to puke because my joints hurt so much. Coachella is like running a marathon (except, you know, the other runners are smoking a lot of pot). It long, it’s hot, it hurts, but goddamn it’s awesome. So pro-tip, don’t do that to your feet if you’re planning to go.

Getting it as close to right as any humans can (I mean, 110 degrees with no shade just isn’t natural) are the following:

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Sure Kristen Stewart dresses like this everyday and there’s absolutely nothing flattering about it, but for once it’s totally the right thing.

And while I’m unconvinced about the need for a jacket, this number from Hilary Duff is working for me.

Hilary-Duff-at-Coachella-2013

She’s in cut offs and a t-shirt, but unlike Kristen Stewart, doesn’t look like a streel someone dragged out of the gutter. The shoes aren’t completely impractical. The hat is cute and keeps the sun off your face and then hides your sweaty hair at night. And while unnecessary, the jacket is cute.

But for all my mocking of Coachella style, I’m totally going back there again. Next time I’ll take Ally and then pretend I don’t know the girl in the Yelawolf sneakers.

Ally: What’s that? Excuse to post another photo of my new shoes?

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2 Responses to Our Annual “WTF, Coachella?” for 2013

  1. kristaspurr says:

    You totally have my number with those Tory Burch wedges. I have strappy wedge sandals from the last time they were popular and I have every intention of wearing the heck out of them whenever summer decides to come to Nova Scotia.

    Generally speaking, the impracticality of Cochella style – especially footwear – drives me bananas, but almost everyone here would have somewhere they can sit. Whenever I’ve gone to some outdoor concert like this, or left the house generally, I’m always built for comfort. And age. As I gotten older, I’ve started dressing (and shodding my feet) in a way that is directly proportional to how likely it is I’ll be able to sit at some point. True story.

    Love the new shoes, Ally. Should I get them for Osheaga? If I decide to go to Osheaga.

    • allygarbs says:

      What size shoes do you wear? Perhaps you can borrow my shoes for Osheaga! I am so sad I cannot go. I doubt El Jeffe would approve me taking our newborn to see Yelawolf at an outdoor festival.

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